A colleague of mine once uttered these words. I don’t believe he intended them to become legendary, but within my circle of friends they most certainly are and, I think, rightly so.

What is a word anyway?

Words are abstract constructs. Their substance has no relevance to their meaning. By that I mean that a sound, letter, phoneme, morpheme or word has no intrinsic meaning attached to it save that which the human mind attributes to it. “Walk” could mean the same as “run”, but why doesn’t it? It’s because we have created a different meaning for each. As we grow up from childhood, we learn that different sounds have different meanings, and so we accept these sound-meaning relationships without question. When we learn a language, we are conditioned to associate certain sounds with certain meanings.

Some words are spelled and pronounced the same but can have many different meanings, for example, the word “bank”. How we differentiate contextual meanings with multi-meaning words is an on-going hot topic amongst linguists and lexicographers, but that’s for another post…

Although words are abstract constructs, the association between the sound of a letter or mixture of letters (words), has become entrenched in our understanding of words and how they are used in conjunction with each other to form meaningful sentences, which in turn help us to convey ideas and concepts, although the extent of how much we can convey meaning is extremely limited. This process forms the basis of all our written and oral communication.

Certain words, regardless of language, are similar in different languages.

How can this be? All languages are categorised into families and hence, have hereditary traits. For millennia, people have migrated from country to country, continent to continent. During this, cultures mingled and languages merged. There is no such thing as a pure race. We are all of each other.

Because of this migration, neighbouring cultures share similar language traits. The scale of this is huge. For example, some members of Siberian tribes crossed over the ancient land bridge between far Eastern Russia and Alaska and migrated to South America, and now some South American cultures share some language traits with those still spoken in Russia.

However, this epic fact doesn’t negate the fact that words are dodgy things. What does dodgy mean? Well, it can mean “deceiving”. We may not mean to deceive when we use words, but it is often an un-meant and un-desired side-effect, even when we think we have chosen our words with care. Like it or not, this is inevitable, so it means we have to take special care in choosing the words we use.

As I see it, every human being likes and deserves to be treated with decency. Isn’t this a basic human right? The words we use go a long way, and their impact is vastly underestimated by many people. We shouldn’t think just of how we think we would like to be spoken to, but, more importantly, how we think someone else would like to be spoken to. To achieve this demands supreme concentration and dedication. This one of the reasons why Gautama Buddha rated Right Speech as one of the most important things a human being must pay special attention to and try to master. Try it for just one day and you’ll soon see how difficult it is. You will feel a sense of achievement even in trying. But, persevere: you and those around you will benefit enormously. For my partial take on Right Speech see Part 2 of my article The Unfolding Script of Speech and Language.

One problem with words is that once we crystallise our thoughts into words, the subtleties of meaning become lost or distorted very easily. When we speak or write, how often are we happy that what we have communicated is what we were really thinking? Once we communicate via words, we are, to a degree, at the mercy of the listener or reader’s understanding and perception.

From my point of view, this goes right to the heart of the problem of language: language, written or spoken, plays second fiddle to thought. Thoughts are far superior in accuracy, potency and meaning compared to written or spoken language.

So how is all this relevant in our daily lives?

For most of us, not a day passes when we don’t use either the written word or spoken word. Imagine you had only 100 words (it may seem a lot, but it really isn’t) to use, either written or spoken, each day.

You’d soon learn to choose them pretty carefully.

“See it all, till tomorrow”

I was trying to get across the idea that personal connections and communications in real life are a very important but perhaps dwindling phenomenon, and it tends to get left by the wayside if internet communication takes over.  Locked away in our houses, so many of us habitually “plug in” to the internet and close the doors to the outside world and our fellow man. Oft-times, internet communication can be a fairly inhuman, unemotional affair.

However, that is not always the case.

I hate the internet. But, I also love it. Why?

I hate it because it can be so impersonal; meanings get distorted, it’s a melée of irrational, irrelevant information (a bit like our everyday thought processes actually), and it’s addictive.

I love it because it’s a wealth of information available in seconds, it avails us details not covered in the mainstream, and it helps brings people together.

So, what has this got to do with the fellow that said “hello” to me?

I have friends that live many thousands of miles away from me. But when I get an e-mail from them I rejoice. An e-mail, or instant message can be just as powerful emotionally as a face-to-face encounter. They can uplift us, inspire us, or just simply make us feel connected.

Of course, I’m not alone in this as most of us who have internet connections are used to it now (believe it or not, there are those in the world who don’t!). But, I still get a tingle sometimes when I get an e-mail from a friend in California or New Zealand (I’m in Scotland.)

So, I’m not dissing internet communication or advocating ditching it in favour of going out for a walk and saying “hi” to everyone you meet.

Anything goes!

The key is striking a balance.

“See it all, till tomorrow”

Zen Buddhism doesn’t have any formal sacred texts. It has no equivalent of the Bible or Qur’an. So how do Zen Buddhists learn? Well, Zen is about experience.

When ideas are written down, they immediately lose their power. That’s not to say that the written word isn’t powerful; it is. But the initial idea, the spoken word and hearing it is more powerful.

Traditionally, Zen monks travelled the countryside in search of masters. This was a main part of a Zen student’s path. Like a tumbleweed, once a source of nutrition (or wisdom in the case of the Zen monk) was found, he would put down roots and stay a while.

In modern society, this rustic, nomadic type of searching for knowledge is rarely possible. But, thanks to intuitive, resourceful people we now have the internet. I think the internet is a natural evolution for us homo sapiens, in that it is a device to compensate for means of learning, experience and communication we used to have in ages past, but are unable to use presently. We constantly adapt and find ways to push ourselves on in areas that need a bit of work. On the internet, we find websites that nourish us intellectually, add to our bookmarks, and peruse them as part of our daily routine.

The internet’s great! But there’s more to life than plugging ourselves into the Matrix. By all means, use it. You’ll learn a lot and it’s an exciting feeling being part of a global community.

But it is habit forming, and real life social networks, especially the family, can break down if surfing the web becomes a barrier to communication.

Yesterday evening my wife and I took our kids and the dog for a walk at a local beauty spot. Fatigue set in and I said “you walk ahead, I’ll wait here and catch you on your way back.” So, I sat by the river’s shoreline and enjoyed the peaceful ebbing sunlight reflecting off the flat calm salt water and listened to the newborn lambs bleating vociferously in the field behind me. It was a pleasant mix of rhythmic, lapping water and changing light, with commentary from little fluffy sheeplings.

I saw a couple walking towards me on the path. I continued to enjoy the tranquility. As they passed me, the fellow said “hello” so I returned the pleasantry, and sensed he was enjoying his walk, free for a while from mundane anxieties. I felt a warm feeling in me. That chap was relaxed and open enough to extend a greeting to a stranger, and I felt privileged that he should.

I’ve had this simple, spontaneous thing happen to me many times, but every time it happens, it reinforces to me the beauty of friendly connectivity and communication between people.

It’s makes me feel alive, free and happy.

This is what Zen is all about.

“See it all, till tomorrow”

You’re now asking “what has food got to do with communication?” The answer is it has everything to do. Escpecially these days.

Sharing a meal with friends or loved ones has always been a time not just for eating, but for talking and communicating. “What did you do today?”, “what do you think of this…?”, “did you hear the one about…?”  Today’s busy lifestyles don’t always make this possible, but it’s worth it as it brings us closer together and makes memories.

Some family recipes are handed down orally generation to generation. In my experience, it’s not just orally, it’s by sharing the cooking experience. As a child, I learned how to make bread by watching my mum weigh out the ingredients, mixing and kneading, but I also listened to her “commentary.” It wasn’t just an audio-visual experience. In the end is was smell-o-vision and taste-o-vision! The entire package was imprinted into my neural net without a word written down.

Experience is a language all its own.

Now, I don’t know all the weights for bread making off by heart. I cheat by using written recipes. But what is chief in my opinion is that we learn the important things in life not just by reading, but by sharing experiences.

So, even if you can’t get all the family together for a meal, share the preparation and cooking with someone and have a good chat while you’re at it. You’ll not only appreciate the value of homemade cooking more, you’ll learn more about your companion and yourself. As the old British Telecom advert said “it’s good to talk.”

“See it all, till tomorrow”